In the Meantime: A Divorce Recovery Group
THE OIL OF JOY INSTEAD OF MOURNING
When You Don't Know Whether to Laugh or Cry
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 NIV
Facebook, the Finder of Lost Loves
I always knew we were meant to be together and other lies adulterers tell each other.
No-Fault Divorce Part 2: What About Doggie Support?
Now, that's a doggone shame. When they divorce the dog too.
In Search of a New Mechanic
When your husband divorces you after 16 years for no good doggone reason other than a big fat case of the “I don’t want to save our marriage even though I know it can be healed but I never loved you in the first place, so I will continue to lie, cheat, and commit adultery and feel justified because you are___, but at the same time try to really look like I did everything to save our marriage except stop committing adultery". Sigh, you lose some things...
You lose everything and everybody, yes, everything and everybody. But if I had to list the most surprising things, that you lose out of everything this is the list. I was not only seething, lost, and teetering on the verge of despair, but shock piled on too. Wave of betrayal after wave of betrayal.
These are the top five things I lost when my husband divorced me.
1. My family (both sides and no one talks to me). I have a feeling they may be secretly sympathetic-closeted empaths. Maybe they feel a little sorry for him? After all, on my side of the family we grew up together and when they knew me, I was not the easiest person to live with-besides, who can live with someone who feels so intensely about EVERYTHING 24/7? On his side, I am not at all sure what their thoughts are or ever were since they never talked to me. They are Switzerland-we do not get involved in our adult children's business. No matter that I was a soul in distress as I pleaded with my Pastor Father-in-Law for help. No matter the oh there, there now have you ever considered from my Mother-in-Law. Both completely disregarding Titus 2:2-3. Come on, Switzerland, really? Silence from both sides. Not bitter, just bewildered. Sigh, and back to the list...
2. Our friends-lost all of the ones we made together with two exceptions. They still call me to this very day.
3. My stepchildren who wrote me off because well that's their (who cares about the truth), Dad and I was convenient and just a pocketbook! Sorry, I digress, on with the list…
4. The church some tried, others turned their backs, still others, sympathized with the adulterer. Sorry, I did it again, digressed…
5. THE MECHANIC!!!! Yes, even THE MECHANIC!!!!
Oh, the agony, the pain of it all! I lose the Mechanic in the divorce too! Who knew?
So, the sad reality of this rose to the top of the pile as my car started acting funny. I am left to find another mechanic because the old one is doing repairs for the new wife and family. Oh, and by the by, the unscrupulous mechanic can smell “divorced woman down syndrome” all over me and suddenly, I became easy pickings seemingly overnight. This is when I realized how much trouble I was in- all alone in a world of mechanics and testosterone, oh my.
The first repair after the divorce was an episode I dubbed, “The $81 tail light bulb replacement that burned out in less than a week, but it was really the whatchamacallit that was broken all along but we can fix it for $315 more fiasco”.
Then there was the routine car inspection that turned into the "It’s going to cost you $927 to pass inspection” fiasco deuxieme partie episode. As an aside, I don't speak French but saying the horror show had a second part just sounded better in French. What in the ham sandwich? I am not kidding, he had the unmitigated gall to look me in the face and say that to me without blinking! To add insult to injury, he had the nerve to be irritated when I declined service and turned away from me to help someone else. I left with tears stabbing at my eyes as they found their way up from the pit of my stomach. This is a doggone shame- because doggone shame was keeping my tears company in the pit of my stomach. It is a doggone shame to kick a woman when she’s down. They can smell it on you- like the Parademons – the nightmare creatures Batman trapped in the beginning moments of the Justice League movie. These creatures could smell fear on people. In this case, I smelled like I had the dreaded “divorced woman down syndrome” and it drew unscrupulous mechanics gauging the vulnerable for money. Doggone shame…
I cannot begin to explain the feelings of betrayal that gripped me in the pit of my stomach-this was where my tears were starting to bundle up rollover tears linked to rollover memories fighting to live and begin the flight up to my eyes. It’s the pit of my stomach where disappointment, discouragement, ravaged trust, and the best years of my life had gone to die. Yes, the pit of my stomach.
There was no way I was going to go back there again! Not only did they betray me, but I was also tired of that look they gave me after he remarried -the one the old wife gets when they know you have been replaced by a younger, prettier concubine – oops, I mean adulteress, oops, I mean wife.
So, I had to search for a new mechanic on my own for the first time in 16 years, five moves, and five cities. Who can I trust? Where do I even look? How much time do I have to find a mechanic before something really bad happens to my car? Good grief, it is easier to find a gynecologist for a soon to be 62-year-old woman than a mechanic said woman can trust. I had little time to spare. The pressure was mounting. This situation can turn into a crisis if the dreaded “something is really wrong with my car” happens at the same time as the just as dreaded “something is really wrong with my dog.” She, like me, is close to that age where she could start to break down too. It is an event at my home if a light bulb must be changed, we both could break a hip if I take a tumble off the ladder. Gadzooks! Sorry, another digression...
So, I spent hours searching for mechanics within a 50-mile radius of my home. I read endless reviews of all kinds for all sorts of auto repair shops. Then I found a candidate for a new mechanic on the third day of my search. You know how you just get a “feeling” about something, a place, a person? Hope was beginning to push past disappointment, discouragement, ravaged trust, and the best years of my life in the pit of my stomach-fighting to stay alive. Dare I hope? Yes!
I just had a “feeling” I could trust these mechanics. Just in time too, because the tail light on the other side of my car was out now. So, this would be the test-how much will they charge me for this? Will it be a repeat of the “$81 tail light bulb replacement that burned out in less than a week, but it was really the whatchamacallit that’s broken but we can fix it for $315 fiasco”? Well, I had $300, Ramian Noodle recipes I hadn't tried since college, and I needed to find out. I made an appointment online, super easy and convenient-followed up with a call. Off I went to the new mechanic hoping I would not get a ticket before I got there. If a State Trooper, God bless them, stopped me I would not be able to stop my tears from repeating the trek up from the pit of my stomach again. Do they add an additional fine for uncontrollable tears to a ticket for a burned out tail light? Hmmm?
Well, The New Mechanic got the bulb fixed and charged me $31!
Bless him, God! He also sat down with me with a list of things that needed to be done on my car. The list was prioritized with the prices and he explained what could wait and what needed attention! I believed he was telling me the truth.
I waited a week, then another week-the bulb didn’t burn out. I made an appointment to start working off the list and went in for my next visit. The New Mechanic got my car in the bay and I waited. While I was waiting, everyone who worked there were all testosterone - based entities that passed by greeted me warmly and they were very courteous. WOW, courteous!
When the work was done, I sat down with The New Mechanic to pay him and to see how I needed to prepare financially for the next item on the list. He was so gracious- I really appreciate gracious these days. When I signed the receipt, my car was waiting for me right outside the door. But that’s not all, they washed my car with almost 4 or 5 months of dirt on it easily, including rims with armor all on the tires! Great day in the morning, armor all on the tires, Y'all!
The Old Mechanic of five years, three cars and thousands of dollars in repairs, who took advantage of a woman with “divorced woman down syndrome”, never ever washed my car.
I have found The New Mechanic I can trust! A brand new start to another new day!
P.S. If you need a new mechanic near Richmond, let me know, I will give you his contact info.
No-Fault Divorce Part 1: The Morning After Pill for Marriage.
For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. Malachi 2:16
The exit strategy of the sneaky, the cowardly, and the reprobate...
A no-fault divorce refers to a type of divorce in which the spouse that's filing for divorce doesn't have to prove any fault on the part of the other spouse... A spouse cannot object to another's petition for no-fault divorce, as that objection itself can be viewed by the court as an irreconcilable difference.
In Virginia, there are a few advertisements for No-fault divorce services…
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Holy Mackerel! Special pricing for a No-Fault Divorce in Virginia is $137- no children to $299 with or without children
Collins Dictionary says…” The morning-after pill is a pill that a woman can take some hours after having sex to prevent herself from becoming pregnant.” Urban Dictionary says the morning after pill, “…works like a charm.”
$39 is the average price
So apparently, you can kill anything in Virginia for as little as $39 or as much as $299 for no muss, no fussers that do not have complications-just a dog.
With everything at your fingertips-you never have to commit to anything wholeheartedly. When it is “not working”, the exit strategy begins with disappearing hangers. If you hear the words, “this is not working”, in a single sentence more than three times from your spouse, you might be getting “no-faulted”. Your spouse may have taken a morning-after pill to no-fault you out of their life.
You know you are being “no-faulted” when…
1. Clothes that go to the cleaners, don’t come back.
2. You end up at the same bible study but in different cars-they are always late and they always have to check on someone or something afterward.
3. You begin to hear more often the mainstay of miserable cowards… I have to work late ruse.
4. You begin to hear another the other mainstay of miserable cowards who took the morning after pill to no-fault you…I have a headache.
5. They always come to bed well after you are asleep.
6. They are always tired when you do go to bed at the same time.
7. They avoid marital intimacy because they know it is considered an attempt at reconciliation and re-starts the no-fault clock by six months. You won’t even hear the clock ticking until the last empty hanger falls to the floor of your closet.
8. They use household money to pay for the secret male clinic they go to for low T (they can’t even say the word testosterone without conspiratorial whispering) that you need a password, thumbprint, retinal scan, and a blood draw to get past security to get in- you will not get in if you are estrogen based.
*I have a theory about low T- it’s judgment against men for sowing wild oats having sex with every woman that could be talked out of their virtue. Am I my brother’s keeper? If you can talk someone out of their virtue-you may be a witch-more about that later.
9. The mortgage loan they secretly applied for, gets discovered when the letter comes to your address but the adulterer and the soon to be new spouse’s names on the envelope. Holy smokes even the creditors are trying to tell them something…
10. The Clerk of Courts no less, kicks back the divorce paperwork four times for small errors then asks them if they are sure this is not a sign to withdraw the petition for divorce? And the morning after pill taker covenant breaker tells them yes, they KNOW IT IS A SIGN – but files anyway. What in the ham sandwich?
11. They find out that you know they have moved in with the adulterer and then moves out to a secret undisclosed location where covenant breakers go to live and share expenses with other covenant breakers to save money while they share their morning-after pills and tips with others plotting to no-fault their spouses.
*When my husband did it, I called it the house for wayward husbands. I remembered thinking if you numbskulls don’t repent and go back home to your wives, a visitation is being set up for you by that angel the donkey saw. I also noticed these houses for wayward husbands are never near the woods where she bears live…
12. There is a house for wayward husbands to share expenses and bring their concubines while they are no-faulting their wives. These houses are not advertised but seem to be wired with some kind of demon beacon lighthouse that sends a signal to the morning-after pill takers and covenant breakers to stay here until you can get “free”. These houses for wayward husbands are like the island of the Amazons, it cannot be detected by mortals or wives fighting for their marriages during the “for worse” part.
13. The only song you hear besides, “Be Still My Soul”, is “One Last Bell to Answer” by the Fifth Dimension. The part that made my heart race with hope and anticipation was the part when Marilyn McCoo sings, “…each time the doorbell rings, I still run…” I realized that after fighting the good fight of faith for our marriage-all six years, seven months, seven days, and five hours of a battle filled with hope and devastation, I no longer run when the doorbell rings.
I stopped running when the doorbell rings on July 7, 2017.
I had been no-faulted by a morning-after pill taking, covenant breaker, and coward who got the United States Postal Service to do for him what he did not have the courage to do himself- deliver the death blow to sixteen years of marriage, the Final Decree of Divorce.
And now, the song I hear that keeps me running the race when I get weary or discouraged, or longing for Home is…
“Be still my soul the Lord is on thy side
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain
Leave to thy God to order and provide
In every change He faithful will remain
Be still my soul thy best, thy heavenly friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end”
“Be Still My Soul” Songwriters: David T. Clydesdale / Jean Sibe lius / Katharina Von Schlegel